Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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