I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it's like heaven, but drunker
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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