Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
