She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
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Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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