Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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