why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
