let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
God, I missed his penis.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
