I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Randomize
