I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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