She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize