my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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