i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
