Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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