this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
