i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Panties = found
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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