tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
