just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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