Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
