umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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