I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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