I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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