mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
