I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
