Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
