hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
