I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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