i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Let's get the cat blown out
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
