Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
