Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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