Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
