Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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