Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
