I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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