So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
