her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
