I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
