And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
