She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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