today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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