you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
