Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
