please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
