he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
