I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
