This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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