I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
