I think I am morally bankrupt
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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