We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
