some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
