Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
