at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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