Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
