The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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