I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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