You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
