We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
