we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
