I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
