ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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