I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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