toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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