What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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