The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
