Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
