And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
