remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
