yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
