I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
