Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
